Of all the problems associated with marriage or relationships, sexual compatibility issues are the hardest to live with. The noted psychologist Abraham Maslow believed that human beings have a “hierarchy of needs” of which, all must be met or achieved for one to reach full “Self-actualization” – the realization of one’s full potential, which in turn leads to peace of mind and satisfaction with the entirety of one’s life. The graphic below details Maslow’s hierarchy with the most basic, most required needs at the bottom of the pyramid. The concept is easily understood if you imagine yourself being held under water; the only thing you can think of is getting to the surface for air. Or, as the saying goes, “It’s hard to concentrate on draining the swamp when you’re up to your knees in alligators.”
“Maslow’s hierarchy of needs” by J. Finkelstein – I created this work using Inkscape.. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons.
As far as we know, human beings are the only species for which sex is more than just the deeply rooted, biological need to reproduce. It certainly is that, of course, as it is one of the “needs” at the most basic level of human life. But for humans sex is also much more. It – and its associated emotion, love – are the means bywhich human beings bond and and give and receive emotional nurturance. And while it may not always be obvious, its importance to one’s overall well being, happiness, and quality of life cannot be overstated.
Research by “sexologists” (psychologists and other professionals who deal exclusively with sexual issues) has repeatedly shown that when individuals are satisfied with their sex lives they generally rate them at 5 or 6 on their list of the 10 most important aspects of their lives. However, when it is not satisfactory, it jumps to the number 1 spot. This is because sex (and love) are tied in so deeply with other highly charged, emotional aspects of our lives and when it is not working, the perception is often that nothing is working.
According to the Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders, “Sexual dysfunction (also referred to as Psycho-sexual dysfunction or psychosexual disorders) are problems that interfere with the initiation, consummation, and/or satisfaction with sex. They occur in both men and women and are independent of sexual orientation.
“There are four generally recognized phases of sexual activity, involving both mental and physical responses and are applicable to both men and women. These phases are in sequence:
- desire or appetite—fantasies or thoughts about sex.
- excitement—physical changes to prepare the body for intercourse and accompanying sense of sexual pleasure
- orgasm—physical response that leads to the peak of physical pleasure and release of sexual tension
- resolution—physical relaxation accompanied by a feeling of well-being and satisfaction
“Sexual dysfunction disorders can occur in any of these four phases. Their causes may be physiological or psychological and it is not uncommon for more than one sexual dysfunction to appear simultaneously.”
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, ( DSM-IV-TR ), produced by the American Psychiatric Association and used by most mental health professionals in North America and Europe to diagnose mental disorders, recognizes nine specific sexual dysfunctions:
- Disorders of desire: These interfere with the initiation of sex and include hypoactive sexual desire disorder (low interest in sex) and sexual aversion disorder (objections to having the genitals touched).
- Disorders of excitement or sexual arousal: These are female sexual arousal disorder (when a woman fails to have physiological responses associated with arousal), and male erectile disorder (when a man fails to get an adequate erection, also referred to as ” erectile dysfunction “).
- Disorders of the orgasm phase: These are female orgasmic disorder (when a woman fails to reach orgasm); and male orgasmic disorder (when a man fails to reach orgasm) and premature ejaculation (when a man reaches orgasm too soon).
- Sexual pain disorders (associated with intercourse and orgasm): These disorders are vaginismus (the outer part of a woman’s vagina spasms causing pain) and dyspareunia (pain during intercourse in either men or women).
The emotional pain and distress which individuals and couples dealing with sexual dysfunction experience is terrible for them and difficult for those who do not suffer from them to imagine. These disorders can have seriously negative effects on not only the self-confidence of those afflicted, but on their relationships, their work and their lives in general. Sadly, it is estimated that as many as 60% of relationships deal with some form of sexual dysfunction. The good news, however, is that the reasons for sexual dysfunction are fairly well understood, and when accurately identified, can generally be successfully treated.
Physiological/medical causes are properly diagnosed and treated by physicians. But when the reasons for dysfunction are psychological – and with so much of sex tied in with our youth, past experiences, religious views, etc. that is very often the case – then hypnotherapy is exceptionally well suited as a treatment. By working at the subconscious level where the psychological reasons for most sexual dysfunctions lie, my clients are able to understand, come to grips with, and successfully resolve their issues much quicker and with overall better results than with other types of talk therapy.
I specialize in the hypnotic treatment of psychologically based sexual dysfunction. I have taken advanced training in sexual dysfunction therapy from the Essex Institute of Clinical Hypnosis in England and received from that institution the designation of: Specialist in Psychosexual Dysfunction. If you or a loved one suffer from any of these issues, or simply have difficulties with any aspect of your sexual life, I invite you to call me at: (916) 717-9150 to discuss how clinical hypnotherapy may be of help to you.
